Tori Stafford

Posted on May 12, 2012 by patriciahung

In her article of May 11th, about the Tori Stafford verdict, Christie Blatchford writes: “To borrow from the imitable Canadian lyricist and singer Leonard Cohen, it may have been a cold and broken Hallelujah, but it was a Hallelujah nonetheless”.

Could anything be more apt?

For those of you not in Canada, a beautiful little 8 year old girl named Victoria (Tori) Stafford was abducted, sexually assaulted and murdered.  The jury came back with a guilty verdict last night on all counts.

As James and I watched the news when the verdict was being handed down, neither of us had any doubts that the jury would convict.   But we have a pretty good idea what’s awaiting those family members this morning.

The jubilation for winning the biggest fight of their lives will be over, and there will be nothingness, at least for awhile.  After weeks of adrenalin and high emotion, the let down afterwards, where the realization that you really didn’t win anything begins to sink in.  That low is so much more pronounced than all the other lows and one is left as if drifting in space, without direction or a reason to live.

A trial give us that reason, something to fight for, it’s own energy to help one out of bed in the morning.  The city is alive in this collective fight and the support is phenomenal.  Very soon though, most, and rightly so, will return to their normal lives leaving the family to find a way to rebuild.

Now is the time that Tori’s family needs the most amount of support.  They will need help to properly absorb the horrors they faced in the courtroom, the images that will haunt them for the rest of their lives, the guilt, the anxiety and the depth of their loss.

The sentencing hearing is on Tuesday, and I wish them some comfort finally being able to speak, but it is all coming to an end, an end without Victoria.

There is hope, of course, surely they’ll find a way to carry on.  There are thousands of us who have been there and come out the other end to smile again, but today, not to mention tomorrow (Mother’s Day) and the next few will be some of the most difficult.

My heart is with them this morning.

Posted in anxiety, Criminal court, The Law, The Media | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

How will you cope through grief?

Posted on May 10, 2012 by patriciahung

As we waited 3 long days for the jury to return with a decision of guilty or not guilty for Melissa Todorovic, we were, naturally, unhappy and stressed, yet there were many moments of levity.   I dare say there might have even been as many moments of laughter as there were of tears as we tried desperately to fill the time.

My father is the primary recipient of endless ribbing (all of which he deserves of course) most of the time, and he was more than happy to endure the endless barrage during that difficult period as long as it kept the atmosphere light in our tiny room.

My amazing girlfriend sat and played euchre with us and she and my father cheated their way to victory numerous times, all in good fun.  Co-workers popped in and shared humorous stories, friends and family joined us, all with their best comedic hats on, helping to lighten the mood.

I can’t say I joined in with much of the frivolity, but being surrounded by such uplifting company did wonders to improve my mental state, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

Laughter is like a divine gift during the grieving process. It’s a welcome and normal part of the emotional roller-coaster those suffering great loss experience. It seems to go against the linear model of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.  She, who is well known in the field of grief, mapped out the five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and then acceptance.

When Stefanie first died, I looked for those stages to see if I was moving through them, looking for hope to be rid of my pain sooner rather than later, but for some reason, I never did find them.   It was probably because I couldn’t focus on one thing for more than two seconds and therefore didn’t have the patience to keep looking.

Regardless, I think it’s a good thing I never found them because I don’t believe they are accurate—at least they weren’t for me—and to put my hopes in them might have left me disillusioned.

I agree that acceptance is indeed the last step, but I’m not sure we all grieve in such a linear fashion.  George A. Bonanno, in this book, “The Other Side of Sadness” quotes C.W. Lewis is his description of grief.

“Physical pain….is like the steady barrage on a trench in WW1, hours of it with no let-up for a moment….grief is like a bomber circling round and dropping its bombs each time the circle brings it overhead”.

A professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University, Dr. Bonanno has now interviewed hundreds of bereaved people, following some for years before and after the fact, looking for patterns.  He has concluded that the grieving are far more resilient than one might imagine and only 10 to 15% of people are likely to struggle with enduring grief reactions.

In comparing people who are generally resilient in their lives to those who aren’t, he states “People who cope well during bereavement have the ability to adjust to the shifting demands of different situations.  These people fair best when grieving.  Optimism is key, confidence that all will be OK, these people gather their strength, regroup, and work toward restoring the balance in their lives.”

Yes, there will be times of deep sadness, or numbness, or fear when those bombs circle overhead.  But there will also be times of laughter and levity when we can come up for air and know that eventually, we will be fine.

 

Posted in Hope | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

Super highways vs. foot trails

Posted on April 24, 2012 by patriciahung

If someone were to tell you that according to Stanford Research Institute, the average human has approximately 50,000 thoughts a day, would you be surprised?  And of those thoughts, 70-85% are negative and up to 98% of them are the same ones we had the day before.  Clearly this is a serious waste of mental power!

“Psychoneuroimmunology” in medical terms, is the connection between mind and body.  When we’re tired, thinking clearly is more difficult and, conversely, when we’ve been doing mental work, we’re exhausted physically at the end of the day.  How often I’ve thought it unjust that after working all day at my desk and feeling completely exhausted, I didn’t burn a single bloody extra calorie.

Grace, now 3 years old, is the messiest child I have ever had or seen.  She is like Pig Pen from the Charlie Brown comics.  It doesn’t matter what we do, or how many layers of bibs or painting smocks we put on her during dinner, inevitably she manages not only to cover herself in food, but the table, floor, walls and anyone in close proximity.  No amount of “don’t spill”, “pay attention to your food”, or reminding her that she should try to not make a mess, will deter her from destroying the room.

Even though I am fully aware that anything negative one tells a child becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, because of that 70-85% or super highways of negative thoughts, it’s so much more natural to tell a child what NOT to do, than to turn it around.

This morning, I decided to contain my frustration, also asking James to kick me if I lost my temper, and begin with encouraging Grace to aspire to greatness.  I told her how I was confident she could eat breakfast without making a mess and that how proud I already was of her because I knew she could do it.  Sure enough, she rose to the occasion and managed one meal without total annihilation of the kitchen.   She was very proud of herself and as a result I was much calmer walking out the door this morning.

So how do we stop dwelling in the past, or the perceived future? How do we stop obsessing about things we can not change, wallowing in self pity or thinking about times we’ve been deeply hurt?  It seems to me that one way is to focus on what is truly important and the only thing we know to be true—our present moment.  The past can’t be changed and the future is never certain.

Ian was one of thirty students in his school of approximately two thousand selected to join a special leadership group studying mindfulness.  My understanding is that their goal is to help students increase their awareness of negative and false thoughts and become cognizant of how they can improve their lives, by traveling on the mental foot trails of positive thought rather than the negative super highways we all seem to have.

I think we could all use a course in mindfulness.  But for now, if we can catch ourselves thinking something negative, and stop it, we’re on the way to closing down that super highway and paving the foot trails, giving us more energy and a better outlook on life and who wouldn’t want that?

Posted in Positive thoughts | Tagged , | 3 Comments

What will you do in your retirement?

Posted on April 20, 2012 by patriciahung

Those who know me well know that I’m not a fan of Chinese food.  Chalk it up to brainwashing as a child or closed mindedness, but whatever the reason, there are only a few dishes that I can say I truly enjoy, and only those made in a place that I know is clean.

This phobia of mine has, unfortunately, been reinforced when seeing “behind the scenes” while working, at many a call for service to certain establishments. These experiences have inhibited my ability to override the gag reflex that surfaces as soon as I walk in the door, so most times, I try to avoid these places without being rude.

On the flipside, Pusateri’s, which is a very high end grocery store in Toronto, was closed due to poor sanitary conditions, and I had no problem going there.  Wonder how I would have felt if I worked in that division and had seen their back room?

Anyway, last weekend, we were invited to an event at a Chinese restaurant that I didn’t want to miss, and I am so pleased to have put my own silliness aside.

The food was actually not bad, but what made the evening so spectacular was the company.  Not only was my heart touched beyond words, I also had a few laughs and was reacquainted with some fantastic people—one gentleman, in particular.

I had met him once or twice at one retirement or another many years ago. I believe he was, if not the first, at least one of the first Chinese officers in the city of Toronto.  I remember being impressed with him then, but had forgotten why exactly.  Now retired himself, he and his wife sat at our table and we had a chance to chat.

This wonderful man exemplified the good that is in all people. He has filled his retirement plate to full and is enjoying a new and wonderful life with his wife.  Retirement truly can be the best time of life, when one can expand and grow exponentially.  He has taken up Tai Chi, enrolled in Mandarin language classes (Cantonese is his mother tongue), volunteers, when needed, as a translator at his local hospital, and most admirably, visits with men who are alone and isolated due to language or physical limitations.

It’s always so much easier and more common for women to visit with shut-ins, and although the need is great, very few men volunteer to fill this need, which is sad because many men, especially when there is a language barrier, are desperate for male company.

I was very touched by our conversation and managed to keep my composure until he said these words to me.

“Patricia, you know policemen sometimes only see good guys and bad guys, but forget that there are so many people in between.  It is so much better and richer to give than to receive and I feel very lucky to have a chance to do this.  I am growing everyday.”

(At that point, I wanted to wrap him up and bring him home)

I applaud this man for all the good he is doing.  He had a rewarding career and yet has found the greatest joy in his retirement in the giving of himself for others.

When we know of someone who is lonely, we should all try, retired or not, to find a few minutes to visit with them.  There is great joy that comes from giving of ourselves to someone who needs us.  It’s what saved me.  Imagine what it could do for the world if we all gave a little bit more!

Posted in Giving of yourself | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

“I got a pain in my chest, and I can’t breathe” – George Lopez

Posted on April 15, 2012 by patriciahung

Before Stefanie died, she liked the comedian George Lopez who, in a thick Latin accent said “I got a pain n my chess and I can’t breaf”.

Stefanie and Ian used to cackle at her imitation of his accent and she said it so much that still today I can hear her saying it in my head.  Many times since she died, I’ve  thought about that phrase especially when my anxiety is high and that’s exactly what I am feeling.

I think at some point in this blog, I wrote about the anxiety I struggled with so desperately when separated from the other children, and how I had to work very hard at keeping my composure if for some reason they were a few minutes late, or something unexpected occurred.

I have been patting myself on the back at my ability to conquer this deep-seated anxiety but then on Friday, when the school bus was over an hour late and dispatch had not heard from the driver, my smug veneer started to crack around the edges.

We had asked our nanny to grab the boys off the bus until we got there, as James and I were headed out to pick up Grace at her school in the north end of the city – a few minutes to reconnect before finishing a sentence would prove impossible.

In the meantime, Ian arrived home begging to come with me instead of James to practice his driving, to which we agreed.

Just as I was to enter Grace’s school, approximately half-an-hour from home, (at least  when Ian drives), I got a phone call that the bus had yet to arrive and all the parents were still at the corner waiting for their children.

Much to my relief, James was at home getting dinner started and I could call him to start making phone calls and get to the bus stop .

At first, I wasn’t overly concerned, but when James called to tell me that dispatch thought the bus was already back in the yard,  I started to panic.  Compound that with a parent saying the news was reporting a dead body close to the school and an accident with a person stuck under a car, the images in my mind became increasingly worrisome.

I am willing to accept that part of my slow to trust view of the world has been formed by my choice in career, but the physical manifestations of deep chest pains and trouble breathing, have stemmed from the PTSD brought on by the violence surrounding Stefanie’s death.  The subconscious mind takes a lot longer to heal than we might expect.  If you’ve ever tried to rationalize yourself out of emotions that stem from there and have been successful, let me know, because I have yet to find a way.

One way of coping with this pain when the elephant that lived on my chest for so long returns is I recall Stefanie’s “I got a pain in my chest, and I can’t breathe”, then her infectious giggle and most times it’s enough to make me smile.

Friday however, I imagined the worst.  I told myself I was being silly and ridiculous, knowing full well I was overreacting (only using my inside voice as not to worry Ian) and yet, where fear exists, sometimes logic does not.

When the bus finally arrived, the explanation was that the new driver had turned down a wrong street and somehow the bus became stuck and couldn’t reverse out.  I guess he failed to call into dispatch to let them know (perhaps he was too embarrassed) and, of course, all the children were fine.

Eric admitted to being nervous and Patrick was crying wanting nothing more to get off the bus.  This compounded Eric’s concern and increased the burden of responsibility he always feels for his little brother.   Eric spent the entire hour wondering if he could remember the way home on foot, if he and Patrick got off the bus.

After the girls went to bed, we all snuggled on the sofa in the basement and watched a movie.  James was sitting down, my head resting on a pillow on his lap, Eric was lying in front of me and Patrick on top.   One would think that by this point, that pain in my chest would have lessened.

Unfortunately it’s still there today but I know by experience that in a few days it will go away on its own and for that I will just have to be patient with myself.  In the meantime,  I choose to believe that the reason I can still hear Stefanie giggling and saying “I got a pain in my chest and I can’t breathe”, is her way of helping me laugh at myself, even from beyond the grave.  If anyone could do it, she could.

 

Posted in anxiety, Parenting | Tagged , , , | 8 Comments

The Question of Easter

Posted on April 9, 2012 by patriciahung

Someone said to me yesterday “if you believe that Jesus rose from the dead, I’ve got some property in Florida I want to sell you”.

After Stefanie died, as I mentioned before, I was less than impressed with God.  At Easter, I thought to myself “okay, you selfish *%#$@, you’ll raise your son from the dead, but not my daughter? (insert a few choice words)”.  I was disillusioned with my “God”, as I’m sure many people are after they lose a loved one, regardless of the degree of their conviction.

Up until that point in my life, I still had my childhood image of God, a completely separate entity, sitting on a big chair looking down on us, judge and jury over all.  It wasn’t until Stefanie’s death that I had to take a hard look at what I truly believed and ask myself if I was willing to start again, and as an adult, begin the journey into faith anew.

Aside from the faith aspect, I now know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the only power strong enough to heal the deepest wounds, is love.  Gratitude, forgiveness and every other positive feeling we have, when honestly examined, comes from a place of love.

Say what you will about organized religion, good or bad, but the fact remains that Jesus, like Buddha and others, was an incredibly enlightened man who left us with beautiful and pure life lessons, that if followed, would ensure a world of peace and prosperity for everyone.

In many organized religions, “God” is ego-driven,  a deity who watches us and punishes us if we misbehave, but promises rewards if we do the “right things”, but this is not about the pros and cons of going to church; that is a discussion for another time.

What I have learned is that all great spiritual teachings throughout time, including those of Jesus Christ, teach us that God is a divine, invisible presence that lives in all of us, connecting us to Him and each other, and the common denominator is a divine love.

We know, from simple science, that energy never dies, it just changes form.   Given that we are energy beings, it only stands to reason that our spirit leaves our body and is enveloped by the love of divine energy, or put more simply, God.

The problem is, as humans, we have finite, linear minds, and it takes faith to trust in these teachings, a higher power, or for that matter, the resurrection.

I am so enjoying this journey of discovery.

Because I was angry at “my” God, I had to step away and see if I could find something better, something with answers to all of my questions.  What I discovered was that all the roads lead back to the same place.

Regardless of what path we take in life, the ending is the same for all of us, so I encourage anyone who is struggling with any difficulties, to throw out all preconceived notions or anything learned as a child and begin one’s own journey to see where it leads.

What is there to lose?

Posted in Hope | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

For the greater good, could I do it?

Posted on March 27, 2012 by patriciahung

After one month of marriage, the police arrive at her door.  Her husband had been charged with aggravated sexual assault and kidnapping and there was no mistake because he turned himself in.  She shouldn’t have been overly surprised, of course, he had murdered someone 10 years before, but there is more to this story.

On October 10th, 2011, I wrote a blog post about an article that was in the Globe and Mail by Shannon Moroney, the author of a book called Through the Glass.  Frankly I was quite upset at the audacity of this women for having painted herself as a victim, when by my estimation, and after having read the article, she was the author of her own misfortune.  I was quite angry.

Yesterday, in a meeting at a publishing house, and during a discussion on writing styles, I was presented with this exact book as an example.

The first words out of my mouth were “have you actually met this women?” as I had often imagined a conversation between the two of us, and not a pleasant one at that.  I quickly decided this was not the place for a debate on the character flaws of the author and graciously and sincerely appreciated the gift in the spirit that it was given.

Aside from the excellent writing, I highly recommend reading the book, especially for a book club where some discussion can be had.  Although I am particularly insensitive to people who whine and complain about anything they have knowingly brought upon themselves, it was in reading this book last night (and I finished it in one sitting) that the author was able to allow me, to see myself in her story.  Certainly this was something I would have thought impossible.

As the author, in my life, I have also been too quick to trust, too quick to love and jump in with both feet before the rose on my glasses could clear. I always assume that life will be grand and whatever I want, if I work hard enough, will come to me.   In this, she and I are similar.

Regardless of how the author found herself in her situation does not detract from the good that has come of it.  She could have been her husband’s most ardent enemy, shouting loud and clear to anyone who would listen that she had been betrayed after giving him a second chance, or quietly fade into the background, moving and changing jobs to begin her life anew.   Instead she chose to stay and fight for the life she was not ready to give up.    This resulted in a genuine struggle with friends, her community and even her feelings towards a man she truly loved.

Of course, this was, once again, her decision.  She was definitely a victim of “guilt by association’ which, although a risk she took when deciding to marry a convicted murderer, not particular pleasant to live through.   I think we all have a tendency to judge too quickly before putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes without knowing what life lessons they use as a guide for their behaviour.

But more importantly than all of this, is the end result of this experience, the lessons learned and the benefit to others that is now manifesting in the author’s life.

Restorative justice is the bringing together of victim and offender to have questions answered, apologies given, with emotional accountability and forgiveness as the ultimate goal.   Statistics show a much lower recidivism rate for offenders who participate in these programs and since almost all offenders will rejoin society at some point, it’s a program that should continue.  This has become the author’s life work and it’s an honourable one.

Not every offender, nor every victim is willing to risk opening the wounds that have begun to heal by participating in this type of program.  At this point in my life, I have no need to seek out a relationship with either David Bagshaw or Melissa Todorovic, and am sure that there will never be a good enough answer to justify what they did.

However, as I read this book and then slept very little last night, it occurred to me that it isn’t about my need to connect with them, but rather my responsibility to protect other families from the hell we lived.

I will now spend some time finding out more about the benefits of restorative justice and if my efforts would make any difference.  It wouldn’t be easy and I wouldn’t jump in with both feet, or be too quick to act, but I will turn my thoughts to this now and then and see where it takes me.

Before reading this book, I likened the author to someone so spoiled she couldn’t handle a bruised ego and in feeling sorry for herself she wrote a book to get sympathy, not realizing how angry her “victim” story would make true victims feel.  The connection to restorative justice wasn’t clearly explained in the Globe and Mail article, and I now apologize to her the best way I can.

We can all learn from each other and her journey touched me much more profoundly then I expected.  I’m grateful to her and her publisher for having written this book and I hope that many others will read it and glean their own life lessons from it’s pages.

The author, Shannon Moroney, is now a restorative justice advocate and speaks internationally on the ripple effects of crime.

Posted in Giving of yourself, Hope, The Law | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Patrick Strikes Again

Posted on March 25, 2012 by patriciahung

Once again, Patrick, now six years old, blows my socks off.

After dinner tonight, I took just him out to ride his bike up and down the street.  At 8pm the girls were in bed and although it was still light enough to see, the moon was clearly visible behind the branches of a large tree in the neighbours yard.    The only other star visible was the North Star which Patrick noticed right away and asked if we could make a wish.

“Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight” we say together, closing our eyes and blowing our wishes towards the heavens.

I challenge him to tell me his wish but he won’t until I share mine (which will remain a secret).  He tells me his wish; “I wish I could do anything”.  What a great wish!!  I give him a huge hug laughing and say “what kind of wish is that Silly, you CAN do anything you put your mind to”.  I should have expected his response, but it caught me off guard when he said “then why can’t I bring Stefanie back to life?”.

CRAP! To think he’s been hoping he could wish that true.  What could I say as my heart broke – again?

I told him that it was a darn good thing that he has Stefanie helping him get all the things he wants in life and to trust that if he works really hard at whatever he wants, she’ll make sure it happens, so better she stay in heaven and watch out for him.

His response?  “Good thinking Mummy, that’s good for me, but what about you, don’t you miss her?”

At that point, I was no longer able to keep my tears at bay and he hugged me with as much strength as he had.  But the best part is, that as only a six year old little boy can, he decided to break the tension by farting in my face and laughing his head off.

What else could I do but laugh?  That kid cracks me up!  Six years old is the best – smart and silly, all wrapped up into one.

There truly is joy in the aftermath.

Posted in Beginnings, Parenting, Relieving stress, Sibling experiences | Tagged , , | 5 Comments

Amazing Grace

Posted on March 24, 2012 by patriciahung

Being the daughter of a bagpiper, it would stand to reason that the hymn Amazing Grace  would have found its way into my heart, and that would be true.  My favourite part is when the solo piper begins and then the rest of the band starts up and the harmony beings.  I get goose bumps each time and I get lost in that moment.  At that exact moment, my insides are screaming “yes” and tears start flowing.   The above link is of the 48th Highlanders and my father played with them when he was just a little boy.

Up until yesterday, I was totally ignorant of the history of the writer of Amazing Grace and am somewhat embarrassed to say so.  But, in my excitement of this new knowledge, and now having one more reason to love that tune, I began asking other people and was pleased to know that I am not the only ignoramus around.

The story goes that John Newton (July 24, 1725-December 21, 1807), a slave-driver from England was on the high seas with a ship full of slaves from Sierra Leon when he came upon a terrible storm.   It was in hearing a heart wrenching noise during that storm, some say from the slaves themselves, that made him realize the error of his ways.  Not a particularly religious man, he called out to God to help him weather the storm and after the skies cleared and the danger had passed, he took out his notebook and wrote the words to Amazing Grace.

After experiencing a religious conversion, he became a minister, hymn-writer, and later a prominent supporter of the abolition of slavery and lived long enough to see the Slave Trade Act of 1807 become law.

Isn’t it amazing how one event can change the entire direction of our lives for the better?

Amazing Grace Lyrics

“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me….
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

T’was Grace that taught…
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear…
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares…
we have already come.
T’was Grace that brought us safe thus far…
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me…
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be…
as long as life endures.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
and mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
a life of joy and peace.

When we’ve been here ten thousand years…
bright shining as the sun.
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise…
then when we’ve first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me….
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

Posted in Beginnings | 6 Comments

Grief and Autism

Posted on March 17, 2012 by patriciahung

Grief comes in many forms.  When we have a child born who doesn’t fit the “perfect” mold, part of us is shattered, and putting the pieces back together can be very difficult, especially without support.

I don’t have the Canadian statistics, but Autism rates in the U.S. are 1 in 110 for children aged three to eighteen.  How utterly astonishing and something I was terribly ignorant about until I met a fantastic lady by the name of Babette Zschiegner.

Babette has two boys and they are both on the spectrum.  Her oldest, has more classic autism and is non-verbal.  Her youngest has high functioning autism or what is often referred to as Aspergers Syndrome.  She describes them as both having varied and unique challenges and blessings.

Babette has ambitious goals that are now becoming a reality in helping other parents whose children have autism.  These are, but not limited to her new book “Traveling With Your Autistic Child” and one on one coaching immediately following a diagnosis of autism so that parents can realize their lives will be different, but not over.

Babette explains that not just cross country or overseas traveling can overwhelm parents, but even an otherwise simple trip to the grocery store, can seem an insurmountable task, leading to isolation and depression.  However, Babette is living proof that parents can still have much joy in their lives with their children regardless of a diagnosis of Autism.

In no way, shape or form can I understand what that must feel like.  We all have a picture of what our lives will be like with our children, the dreams we have for them, the experiences we hope to share and a diagnosis of Autism or any other disease, can make those imaginings seem impossible to obtain. James and I chose to adopt a child with special needs, we were emotionally and mentally prepared, planned for it and weighed the risks and benefits – a completely different scenario.

However, what I can relate to is the feeling of being cheated.  When I watch my niece who is younger than Stefanie reach all the milestones that we should have already celebrated, my feelings are mixed -  happy for her, who I love dearly -  but also cheated by Stefanie’s death and I feel sadness and disappointment.

I would like to ask that if you know a parent of a child with Autism, send them this link.  They may do nothing with it, which is fine, but sometimes we keep our hurt inside and such an email might be the answer they are silently looking for.

Her book, which would be a great gift to any parent with an autistic children, is available at www.lulu.com or at this link: http://tinyurl.com/84n2hj9  and her website is www.peacewithautism.com and email, babette@peacewithautism.com

I am not writing this blog post because I benefit in any way.  I promise to never support a sales scheme or gain financially.  I believe in Babette and the good she is doing and my goal is to support as many people as possible who have had a devastating heartbreak but have decided to do the very best as they can and then help others in return.

 

Posted in Parenting | Tagged , , | 2 Comments