I returned home yesterday after some time away to do some writing and it was probably the first time, in almost 4 years, that I was alone with Stefanie.
One of the things I did as a survival technique was to fill my life to overflowing to avoid any downtime. I never let myself feel too deeply or for too long for fear I would never surface again.
I suspect some might call this delaying the inevitable or some sort of avoidance strategy but it wasn’t entirely an conscious decision. I knew I needed to be busy and looked for ways to continually fill the void but in retrospect, I might have gone a bit overboard!!
I went to what might be the quietest place on earth. No kids, no music, no entertainment, nothing that would make noise except the waves of the ocean. It would have been torturous any other time, but this was for Stefanie and me.
It was time to truly quiet my mind, and instead of forcing any unpleasantness away, allowed it to just be. I sat on the balcony, watched the swells of the ocean and it was transformative.
This would have been hell on earth had I been in the early days, the silence deafening and threatening my sanity, but it seems everything has its time and place.