We can probably all remember exactly where we were when the planes hit the twin towers on September 11th, 2001. We felt a collective sadness and disbelief at the images we saw on television and the pain we knew people were suffering. It was palpable.

During special days, anniversaries, birthdays, or occasions that matter for one reason or another, the pain of our loss resurfaces and we can feel as raw as when our loved ones first died – sometimes worse because the shock is gone and the pain is free to flow.

There are days that are particularly hard for me. Mother’s Day is heart wrenching. My first child, my first mothers day – the memory so poignant. It’s particularly difficult to get through when my other children who are just as important to me want to make the day special, and my grief sits in my chest and throbs.

The first snow fall, the cold of winter, Christmas, New Years, her birthday, and so on, are all events that steal the fragile joy that I profess to have found.

It’s okay to slip back into sadness. It’s okay to remember. It’s okay to cry again. But it’s also okay and necessary to lift oneself back out of the darkness and live again.

Last night as I went to bed I caught the beginning of a CBC documentary called My Life after 9/11 . The host spoke of how it takes courage and motivation to turn a life around and in the case of 9/11 survivors, case after case defies expectation.

Needless to say, it caught my attention, but didn’t surprise me. No doubt, these days are particularly difficult to re-live especially with the intense media coverage, but these people will continue to fulfill their life dreams, now with a much clearer understanding of how we should get the most out of the lives we have before us.

To all those left to move on after 9/11- my heart aches with you now, and for all my fellow officers who died, (and of course every other wonderful soul) you’ll never be forgotten.

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