Try to reach out.

One of the reasons I wanted to start this blog was to reach out to anyone who had lost a child to murder (primarily) and also to those who were also struggling with the aftermath of losing someone.  Thank goodness the former isn’t a big audience.

In the beginning, I went daily to a coffee shop inside a bookstore, buying a latte and sitting in the aisles searching and reading anything I could find from bereaved parents of murdered children.  At that time, there was nothing – at least not at the store I was at.

I sat on the floor and read many books on the afterlife, the process of dying, and all sorts of mantras and spiritual views on life after death.  Of course I had my own Christian beliefs (all of which at the time seemed thoroughly insufficient to explain the “whys” of my daughters death),  but never did I come across anything that fulfilled that crushing desire to feel relief.

For some reason I needed to do it on my own, quietly and in a private way – honestly because I didn’t think anyone would understand unless they had been there.

I knew of a woman whose two daughters had been murdered similarly to mine and incredibly she was reaching out to me.  For a long time I couldn’t call her back because I felt guilty that I still had 3 living children and she had lost her only two girls.

When I eventually did call her,  the peace I felt when I walked down the street with her was indescribable.  Without speaking, just knowing she understood somehow unburdened me and lifted a very heavy weight.  As we spoke and I witnesses first hand how she had survived it all – the murders, the trials, the emptiness, (and with dignity and grace), I began to feel stronger and more able to face what was coming.

If you’re in a place that’s dark, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone.   It doesn’t have to be someone whose situation is exactly like yours – no two lives are the same – but do reach out.  God, the universe, source energy,  your spirit guide, or whatever you want to call it, works through others.

I am so grateful for the wonderful people in my life.  Try to appreciate the people you have around you – they are there for a reason.

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