After Stefanie died, as I mentioned before, I was less than impressed with God. At Easter, I thought to myself “okay, you selfish *%#$@, you’ll raise your son from the dead, but not my daughter? (insert a few choice words)”. I was disillusioned with my “God”, as I’m sure many people are after they lose a loved one, regardless of the degree of their conviction.
Up until that point in my life, I still had my childhood image of God, a completely separate entity, sitting on a big chair looking down on us, judge and jury over all. It wasn’t until Stefanie’s death that I had to take a hard look at what I truly believed and ask myself if I was willing to start again, and as an adult, begin the journey into faith anew.
Aside from the faith aspect, I now know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the only power strong enough to heal the deepest wounds, is love. Gratitude, forgiveness and every other positive feeling we have, when honestly examined, comes from a place of love.
Say what you will about organized religion, good or bad, but the fact remains that Jesus, like Buddha and others, was an incredibly enlightened man who left us with beautiful and pure life lessons, that if followed, would ensure a world of peace and prosperity for everyone.
In many organized religions, “God” is ego-driven, a deity who watches us and punishes us if we misbehave, but promises rewards if we do the “right things”, but this is not about the pros and cons of going to church; that is a discussion for another time.
What I have learned is that all great spiritual teachings throughout time, including those of Jesus Christ, teach us that God is a divine, invisible presence that lives in all of us, connecting us to Him and each other, and the common denominator is a divine love.
We know, from simple science, that energy never dies, it just changes form. Given that we are energy beings, it only stands to reason that our spirit leaves our body and is enveloped by the love of divine energy, or put more simply, God.
The problem is, as humans, we have finite, linear minds, and it takes faith to trust in these teachings, a higher power, or for that matter, the resurrection.
I am so enjoying this journey of discovery.
Because I was angry at “my” God, I had to step away and see if I could find something better, something with answers to all of my questions. What I discovered was that all the roads lead back to the same place.
Regardless of what path we take in life, the ending is the same for all of us, so I encourage anyone who is struggling with any difficulties, to throw out all preconceived notions or anything learned as a child and begin one’s own journey to see where it leads.
What is there to lose?