Being Positive

Someone posted on Facebook how depressing reading it can be because lately it’s all negative. So, I’m vowing to return to my original goal of being more uplifting and positive.

Yesterday I ended up in an establishment that I promised myself I wouldn’t go to anymore because of someone who works there. How and why I went there is irrelevant and long winded. Suffice to say that I came face to face with someone who I wish had been charged in Stefanie’s murder (although I understood the reasoning behind the decision).

There are aspects about the case that weren’t front and center in the media and one of these was the involvement of a young man who lives around the corner from us. He assisted David after the fact to conceal the knife he killed her with and the bloody jacket he was wearing.

(I’m getting to the more positive uplifting part)

I have harboured such resentment towards this boy and each time he has walked past my house I wanted to reach out and “touch” him. Then there I was today, stuck in a position where I had no choice but to interact with him.

Yes, my heart of beating a mile a minute , my hands sweating, mouth dry etc… but with each sentence, (although VERY uncomfortable ) it became easier. I could see he was terrified at my presence.

He was trying his best to remain professional – something I admit I didn’t think he even had enough brains for – and did his job well.

When I was telling James about the incident, I heard myself saying “I almost felt sorry for him”. (insert loud sound of something screeching to a halt). Sorry for him? Had I lost my mind? I don’t think so.

I think that I’m now able to put my own overpowering feelings aside and accept that he made a mistake. Although he wasn’t punished for it legally, I saw that somewhere deep down, he at least knew it.

He was on a slippery slope of drug use and truancy, and now seems to have a job that he takes pride in. I hope that he continues down this path and turns his life around fully.

Letting anger go can be a hard thing to do. It’s not there most of the time, but it can resurface at any moment. I think I’m going to feel better when he walks by now. I’m not going to invite him in for tea, but I think I’ll be at most, indifferent.

“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.” Lewis B. Smedes – Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don’t Deserve

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4 Responses to Being Positive

  1. Heather says:

    Would that we could change our feelings and create forgiveness. :( The anger I feel for some people really is more than I want to carry.

  2. Susan W-K says:

    I think that you have fulfilled your goal of being upbeat and positive. You were able to take what was obviously a difficult and painful interaction, work through those overwhelming emotions and remove the ‘power’ that this person had to cause you pain and anger.

  3. Heather says:

    I’ve been thinking more about this post, Patricia, in conjunction with learning about the weekend death from cancer of someone I knew slightly. There is an individual who worked hard to create problems for me a few years ago, and I have to face this person regularly. The anger has been wearing me down, and I’ve decided I’m just going to look him in the face and get on in the most courteous and oblivious way possible with whatever it is we have to do together. To the degree that it is possible, I’m going to try to let it go. There are so many more positive things to focus my energies on … despite saying earlier that I couldn’t change my feelings, it does actually feel as if I can let it go, too. Not quite forgive, and certainly not forget. But not obsess, either.

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