Another New Year’s..uggggg

Father Time is a slippery fellow.  It seems that no matter what, we’re either wishing time would speed up or slow down and what we get is the exact opposite.  It brings hope and dread, anxiety and joy and it can all be at exactly the same time.

As an example that most can relate to, we can wait for a vacation with the perception that the departure date has taken an eternity to arrive and then it’s over in an instant.  Yet within that vacation, there are moments of total tedium that seem to never end (i.e., the actual traveling part), especially with 4 kids under 8.

But I digress.

New Years Eve has never been my favourite night of the year and is now a cruel joke played by Father Time.

In my youth (not all that long ago), there seemed to have been too much pressure to have an important place to go, a resolution to make and to report on it afterwards.  This night frankly used to irk me and I preferred to go to bed early and sleep myself into the next year.

(Shift work actually helped with that—which might be one argument for permanent sleep deprivation)

Again, I digress.

Now, New Years Eve is a reminder that we’re now one year further away from Stefanie and at the same time one day closer to the anniversary of her death (both of which I wish would never come).   My disdain for this night has grown exponentially.

Has anyone noticed that Father Time and the Grim Reaper have some striking similarities?  Okay…maybe it’s just the scythe, but for me, the resemblance is fitting.

My digressions are growing, I’m sorry, it must be the topic.

Regardless of my own apprehension for the night to come, there are some things I am truly looking forward to and the New Year has to come for those to happen.

For the past two days, my family (all 24 of us) traveled up to a resort in Huntsville and spent time skiing, swimming, tubing and eating.  When we had a meal, we took over the restaurant, when swimming we filled the pool and without malice probably drove the other guests batty.

This time was also over too quickly and yet had moments of chaos that never seemed to end.

We have, as a family, made times like this a priority, but sadly only after Stefanie died.  Perhaps before it was too much effort to agree on anything or we were all too “busy”, but life’s cruel lessons have had a way of making us focus on what’s important.

Although I do look forward to more family gatherings with joy, I inevitably feel a great sadness that one of us is missing.  That might be true for some of you too.  Much of the time I waffle between tears of joy and sorrow but I always look forward to the next one.

I urge you to find who are the most important in your lives and focus on them and make them a priority before it’s too late.

Try to use your “New Year’s Resolution” to put aside petty differences, forgive those you can (including yourself), and try to make new memories in the year to come with those who matter.

If the New Year must rear its ugly head, at least there should be a silver lining (and I’m not referring to my graying hair).

Many blessings I wish for all of you and your families in the year to come.

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6 Responses to Another New Year’s..uggggg

  1. Patricia, you and your family have been on my heart and in my prayers. I re-read this morning the newspaper article about Stefanie’s death, and – once again – my heart just broke for you. Sending hugs and prayers your way…

  2. brenda says:

    Hi Patricia – you have been on my mind all day! I just now had the opportunity to read your posting!

    I have to agree with everything you have written. I suffered a huge loss myself at this time of the year in 1997. It never seems to get any easier. Guess we have to look for any sign of that silver lining no matter how remote.

    I am sending you lots of love and prayers at this most difficult time!!

    Brenda

  3. Michele says:

    Hi Patricia, I love your words of wisdom, and they truly are wise, especially when it comes to family I have used your quotes twice now as my FB status, I hope you don’t mind. Take care.

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