When you don’t know what to do or say.

During the first few weeks, and for months after Stefanie’s death, we noticed that as hard as it was for us, it was also very difficult for anyone we knew.  All but a few people were at a loss for words and most felt so badly for us that they didn’t know what to say or do.

I, in particular, felt badly for those people because I didn’t want the evil that had touched us to affect our friendships or close personal and professional relationships.

It was so tough trying to find the right thing to say to others to make it easier for them to feel comfortable around us.  I understood, of course, that they were suffering with us in their own way and for their own reasons.

Part of the course that I’m taking is an assignment to write a book and self-publish it both electronically and in hardcopy.  It’s not meant to be a bestseller by any stretch of the imagination but rather a way to share some of the hard lessons we learned through the grieving process.

I’ve completed my assignment and would like to share it freely with anyone who is interested.  The title is “Seven Helpful Ways to Support a Friend or Loved One Through Grief” and hence the content is self explanatory.  It is, of course, only my experience of what I learned from others after Stefanie’s death, but I would be overjoyed to know that it helped someone be more at ease with someone who is grieving.

If anyone would like a free electronic copy of the book, please send me your e-mail address via the box at the top right of the screen and I will send you a copy.    I will NOT share your e-mail address with ANYONE   – that is a promise.  You will get an email saying that you have “subscribed” to a list, but that’s only because I don’t know how to change the wording.  My technical abilities only go so far – there is no catch!

The book is also available through lulu.com, ibooks, Barnes and Noble, and Amazon, in e-reader format.  I’m hoping to have a hard copy available shortly at the same locations.

When Marina Jimenez from Toronto Life magazine was writing her article about Stefanie, she shared with me some of her own story, which was also heart- wrenching.  We joked about writing a book one day called “Don’t Send Flowers, Send Food” and that’s tip #3.

 

This entry was posted in Giving of yourself, When it's not your loved one and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to When you don’t know what to do or say.

  1. Debbie Boyce says:

    Oh Patricia…I will never forget the first time you and James came to Gracie’s after you had lost Stefanie, and John and James took off to chat leaving me with you….I felt so bad as I did not know what to say to you….I had lost my parents a few years previously, but losing them, was nothing like what you are going through with the loss of your beautiful daughter….and I apologize for not having a clue, what to say to you!!!! For once in my life…I was speechless…LOL. Thanks for this wonderful book that you have written!!! Looking forward to reading it!!!

    Love Deb

    Love Deb

    • patriciahung says:

      Oh Debbie, that must have been so uncomfortable for you, I’m sorry! I do remember that night and remember being grateful that I had you to talk to – thank you for not turning away!

  2. Pingback: Additional Blog Recommendation – Joy in the Aftermath by Patricia Hung | Grief: One Woman's Perspective

  3. Tersia says:

    Thank you for sharing your pain with the world. My 37 year old daughter is terminally ill and I am going through “anticipatory grief” Our friends have one by one turned their backs on us because our pain is too much for them to bear.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>