How do we describe ourselves? “About Me” isn’t as easy as it seems. Most would politely say that I’m a mother of five living children, a police officer and a successful business owner. But I suspect out of earshot they might say something like “Don’t you remember? She’s the cop whose daughter was murdered right outside her home”.
All of that would be true, but it’s my hope that eventually at least one person will describe me as an “uplifter”. No matter where we are in our lives, even if it’s already quite positive, we can continue to grow.
As the mother of a murdered teen I want to share what I’ve learned through this journey to help others know that they are not alone and can heal more quickly than the average 5-8 years.
As a certified “From Heartbreak to Happiness” coach, author and inspirational speaker, it is my life mission to uplift others who grieve and by reconnecting them with joy, inspire them to reach their full potential emotionally, spiritually and financially.
Yours in gratitude,
Patricia
Here’s to living!
Hello Patricia,
Thank you for the positivity in your blog posts. I am working to spread the word about a book called, The Reason by Sally Grablick, that talks about life after of loosing a child. Would you be interested in reviewing it? If so please contact me at shelby@yournuchapter.com.
Thank you for your time,
Shelby
Definitely, I’ve sent you an email.
You know….when I think of you I describe you as a ” Mama duck” floating so peaceful and calm at the surface …but underneath in the water the little feet are going a mile a minute!!
Oh, that’s funny! Thanks for a laugh first thing in the morning!
Hi Patricia: I was enjoying my coffee and the Globe and Mail this morning, until I read the piece about Melissa Todorovic “seeking to avoid adult prison”. The article caught my eye, as I have been following your family’s tragic story for several years – mostly through Christie Blatchford’s incisive reporting. My interest was piqued when the reporter of today’s article noted that you currently run a blog. I wondered what type of themes you would write about – would they be mostly about a mother’s grief, anger, resentment and despair over a child’s senseless death? Yes, there is acknowledgment that some of these dark feelings remain – but hopefully they are not as overwhelming as once before. Your posts discuss other fare: personal forgiveness, raising children, faith in God, the blessings of supportive families, trials of Christmas. All a pleasure to read.
As a mother, I commend you on your strength, resilience, honesty and forward thinking in the aftermath of an unspeakable time. I look forward to reading more of your reflections, Teresa
Thank you Teresa. For taking the time and for offering such support, I am grateful!
Merry Christmas,
Patricia
p.s. Be sure to follow Christie B. at the National Post now. She’s a great lady who has a heart of gold!
Hello Patricia,
I would happily describe you as an “uplifter”. I would have described you as such years ago when we were co-workers and tragedy had not yet struck.
I, like many, have watched from a safe distance as your family endures a most painful personal nightmare in full public view.
Your courage and grace in the face of circumstances that would make anyone throw in the towel are nothing short of an inspiration. You bring me in mind of author Melody Beattie (The language of letting go), if you’re not familiar with her, you should check her out. Two peas in a pod.
Someone once told me “You don’t own your kids.” This to help us get past those times when things don’t work out according to Mom and Dad’s plan. It also puts some perspective into what we can control and what we can’t.
I presume that some days are better than others and that on some of those days peace and faith are nowhere to be found. May those days diminish to nothing.
Merry Christmas to you and your family and may God continue to bless you.
Doug Kavanagh
Thanks Doug! You probably haven’t read many of my past posts, but I spoke of you in it and how your friendship made it so much easier to hold my head up. To save you the time, here’s what I wrote.
“On that day, there were a lot of people at court, and when I walked out of the court room a gentleman I worked with when I first started came up to me and gave me a hug. I told him how embarrassing it was to admit all that “stuff” and he said to me “Patricia, you just proved to everyone that you’re stronger than most of us because you had to courage to admit all that “stuff”.” God bless him!
What a gift he gave me that day. So much fear about opening up, so much worry about how I would be perceived (weakness has never gone over very well in my world), and at least one person didn’t see me the way I saw myself.
He made me proud of myself for having the courage to show my weakness, something I would never have imagined. That changed my thinking from negative to positive and did more for my self –esteem than anything since.”
I’ll always be grateful to you Doug. Thank you and Merry Christmas
You are living, and loving, through one of my worst nightmares. I have two children, whom I can’t stop talking about – but constantly dream about your tragedy occurning. I have never had any sort of tragic circumstance, nor have known anyone who has but my dreams are so vivid and detailed I sometimes wake up throwing up and in total mental pain. You and your family are amazingly strong, and I hope you continue your blog as I seem to find some comfort in reading about your life.
Congratulations on your two children, they certainly bring us the most amount of joy possible in life. I’m sorry about your nightmares. I wish I knew a way to stop them from disturbing your peace, but I encourage you to think positively and not dwell on the “what if’s. The present is all we have and the future is never known. I would also suggest spending the last few minutes at night, just before falling asleep writing down all the wonderful gifts your children bring to your life and focus on the positive and hopefully that will help with the nightmares.
Thanks for your kind words.
Patricia
Posted on She’s an exceptional fihtger, and a very strong person. I’m very proud of her, and glad of being by her side loving and supporting her. <3
Natasha Posted on Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry you are in pain, it’s very very dilffcuit. Try to stay positive and move forward. Peace and blessings, Natasha
Hi Patricia. I read about your daughter while I was at the clinic with my 2 year old. I finished the story in the magazine and immediately came home and googled your blog. I am deeply saddened by your loss. I am very sorry that you and your family have had to gone through this. I will never forget you, uplifter.
Thank you. Every tragedy has its gifts and I’ve been blessed by many.
I sent NBC an email about their “teen killers” or whatever nonsense show they came up with. I hope it helps. Best of luck.
-Madison
Hi Patricia,
I want to start off by saying that you truly are an inspiration to everyone around you and to everyone that comes in contact with this story. I do have to apologize though because unlike some of your readers I just found out about this story yesterday, as I dont live in the Toronto area althought my parents do live in the Barrie area, but I live up in Sudbury. I read this yesterday at work, as it came across my news feed as I work for a Lawyers office but this story broke my heart and touched my heart all at the same time if that makes sense.
I have 3 beautiful daugthers they are all 2 years apart, my oldest is 16, 14, 12. I went home last night and I took my girls out for supper last night, and I ended up telling them all about your story and about your beautiful daugther Stefanie. My oldest daugther was very emotional and shocked that there are people like that in this world. My 14 year was very saddened by this as she is the same age as Stefanie when she passed away. She couldnt understand how this could happen over something so stupid in her words. I just wanted to say to you that I have read every article and every blog that I possibly can in the short time frame that I have had to read this story as I have just found out about your tragic story, and I just wanted to say that you are an inspiration to me and to many others that I have shared this story with.
I can only praise you for your strength and your braveness. You truly are one of the most inspirational woman. I have been telling everyone about your story and about your beautful daugther. I just needed to take a moment out of my busy life to tell you how there shoould be more people like you
First of all, don’t apologize. I never meant for it to make the news the way it did. I started out by only asking that people who knew Stefanie not participate in any NBC production. From there, many people asked for ways they could help and so I suggested emailing the producer. I was mortified when it was sent to The Toronto Star by a very well intended person because I didn’t want more attention, but less. Regardless, the outcome and support has been unbelievable and I feel so very blessed.
The fallout for the children has been minimal and so far, as long as it stays yesterday’s news, we have avoided much heartache.
Thank you so much for your kindness. I certainly don’t feel very inspirational and I’m sure you, like most mothers, would do everything possible to make life better for those left to pick up the pieces. But thank you for sharing Stefanie’s story because in that way, she is kept alive a little longer.
Warmest regards,
Patricia